1. Nicole duFresne's memorial at Rivington and Clinton streets - ASS CENTRAL!
So if you live in NYC, you probably heard about the completely tragic murder of 28 year-old Nicole duFresne - which occurred around 3AM on Thursday, January 27th on the corners of Clinton and Rivington streets on the Lower East Side, as a result of a "mugging." They killer and his accomplices were eventually rounded up.
On the corner of Clinton and Rivington (which is literally right down the block from me), there is now a make-shift memorial to her with lots of candles and photos and momentos and flowers and things people have left in her memory. It's really growing, and it is all still there as of this writing. There's even this chime thing hanging from the street light that you can gong to pay tribute to her.
The crime, obviously, struck a really blunt cord with many people in the surrounding communities. Lots of people are stopping on the corner to observe all the the momentoes and tributes left at the location, and it's become a little meeting place for people to congregate and talk about crime in the community, etc.
So anyway, because it's so close to me, I pass by it all the time. I remember the first time I saw it, it as about two days after the murder. I stopped and looked, and it took me a second to realize what it was for. Lots of people were stopping, and talking amongst each other... everyone was plugged into the crime because it had been all over the news and papers. It was a friendly little mob scene.
As I was standing there looking at a New York Post headline that had been taped to the wall, I remarked out loud to this girl standing next to me that they had apprehended several suspects, which the headline revealed and I hadn't known at that point. The girl was in her 20's, very pretty, with long dreadlocks tied up in a scarf and a miniskirt and long black coat. Right as the girl started telling me about how they indeed had the gunman, and that he had confessed (as she leaned down to light some candles she had brought), this weird guy abruptly placed himself between me and her, and began talking to her with his back squarely to me. It was like a football move or some kind of war games strategic thing.
I've seen this guy around town before, he's 40-something, white, kind of scruffy and vaguely homeless. I would say he's pretty handsome though... but in a creepy way. I see him hanging around the streets all the time... he seems to live in a kind of semi-fantasy world where he's a kind of "bad character." He's always does that shifty thing where his head faces one direction, and his eyes look right at you (with a slightly crinkled brow), like he's trying to figure out if you're in on the fact that he just robbed a bank (in his mind) or something.
So anyway, he had placed himself between me and this girl and seemed a little threatened that I was even speaking to her. At first I thought she might be his girlfriend, until I realized that he was speaking to her in a way that you speak to someone you are meeting for the first time. She just stood up from her crouched position and all I could see was her big dreadlocked-head nodding as this guy started going on like "Oh yea it's so sad... so sad... I can't believe this happened in our community... if we stick together, you know... hey, what's your name?" He kept saying the word "community" over and over... and the little speech he was giving her was the most absurd kind of cliché crap about violence and humanity you could imagine... worse than that cheer-up speech Peter Boyle gives Robert DeNiro on the street outside the Belmore Cafeteria in that scene in "Taxi Driver," you know the one that's like "...one guy's a doctor, another is a lawyer, one guy dies, another gets well... people are born... you're gonna be all right Travis."
I didn't think too much of it, and I stayed at the memorial and chatted with some other people.
I walked back the next night, there were even more candles and momentoes placed around the memorial... and there was still a small crowd standing around it, looking and talking. And believe it or not, I saw this same guy there from before, petting a (different) girl's dog and talking to her... I swear he was giving her the same cornball speech he had given that other girl the night before.
I went down the block to get my camera (to take the photo above), and in the three minutes it took me to walk down to my house and turn around and start heading back, I literally pass this guy and the girl with her dog on a leash, walking in the opposite direction away from the memorial. Whether they knew each other before, or had just met and decided to leave together was unclear. The girl had a concerned, heartfelt look on her face as she walked along, keeping her full attention on this guy's face. The guy was walking slowly, with his hands in his pockets and his head down towards the ground. As I passed him I heard him saying in this overly-serious tone "...yea I saw her all the time... I dunno I can't really accept that she's gone..." or something like that. As they walked right by me, I swear to God, I saw tears... fucking crocodile tears in this guy's eyes. They obviously had just met.
I couldn't tell if the girl with the dog was buying his act or not... she seemed pretty bright and may have just been humoring him until she could safely cut him loose.
Well it must have been the later, because when I was back at the memorial, not three minutes after I passed them... this guy walks quickly back! Literally, running at the eager pace of a little school kid trotting to the cafeteria buffet when the lunch bell has rung. Alone, his mood completely changed from mere moments earlier, totally dry eyes, he reached over and grabbed the little metal thing next to the chime hanging from the street light and started banging on it robotically as his gaze met the curved lines of two girls bent over the memorial lighting incense. As I walked away I heard him say to one of them "Hey did you know Nicole too?"
As of this writing I have seen him at the memorial no less than two more times, once he was sitting on a trash can and, I-kid-you-not, had an audience of three girls standing around him listening in awe as he solemnly talked about "Nicole."
I know this guy must have scored once already using this shtick at Nicole's memorial... or else he wouldn't be returning so frequently and with such vigor.
Good luck dude... I hope you score tons and tons of fresh ASS at the memorial of Nicole duFresne. I hope this tragedy, which has surprisingly brought a lot of people together in the neighborhood, spells out "P-U-S-S-Y B-U-F-F-E-T" for you and the notches on your bedpost.
You and your boner really have an angle there. What, are you like Maude from "Harold & Maude?" Do you go to stranger's funerals to try and score? Do you chase ambulances with a bag full of handkerchiefs and edible panties? Do you loiter around morgues and weep in the parking lot, hoping to find a sympathetic soul with a shoulder to cry on, who also happens to have a great set of jugs? I'll bet that old episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" where she can't stop laughing at Chuckles the Clown's funeral is like hardcore porn to you. Maybe you should dress like Chuckles and hang around outside a children's terminal cancer ward with a handful of colored. flavored condoms and make delightful balloon animals out of them that you can use to schmooze the kid's moms when they are leaving in a distraught emotional state.
The weeks after 9/11 must have been a motherfucking orgy for you.
Fort Worth, Texas police
officers Brett Mills and Jamey Pinkston pull over a vehicle with a busted
light in an area known for drug activity. The officers question the driver
who claims that he is in the city to visit his friend. Suspicious of the
driver's story, the officers inspect his mouth and remove a blue bag containing
cocaine from under his tongue. The officers arrest the driver and charge
him with possession of a controlled substance. As seen on the Saturday,
January 29th episode of FOX-TV's "COPS."
2. Texas charm
as seen on the January 29th episode of FOX-TV's "COPS" (sexy points:
a bazillion!)
If
behavior is nothing more than the sum of the mechanical activities of our
bodies, then would someone please extract the DNA of the Texas kid who's
behavior caused him to get arrested on the January 29th episode of FOX-TV's
"COPS" and inject it into the corpses of long-buried nuns, just to see
if their skeletons rise from the grave and start humping everything in
sight (for a sexy points score of: 1,000,000,000!)?
My hypothesis? It might
work!
So anyway, while watching
one of my favorite shows on television ever: "COPS," (sexy
points: 80) like I do almost every week, I saw one of the most
boner-inducing captures of all time in the show's 16-year history (the
guy in Pat Benatar drag caught inside his 18-wheeler at a truck stop who
tried to act like nothing was out of the ordinary, runs a close second
[sexy
points: 1,000]).
The episode was in
Fort Worth, Texas - of course, since Texas breeds the most frighteningly
unflappable sex beasts in all the land (Anna Nicole Smith? George W. Bush?
Helll-lllooooooo?!) and it involved the usual "pulling a car over that
had just left a know drug traffic area" thing. The car was a white pickup
truck (sexy points: 50) and when the cops
approached the stopped vehicle, you could see the silhouette (sexy
points: 15) of the driver, a young man with some kind of 50's hair
style (sexy points: 45) and a cigarette hanging
out of his mouth (sexy points: 98) fumbling
(sexy
points: 1,000) with something in his glove compartment and pretending
not to be able to hear (sexy points: 1,000,000,000)
the police asking him to move into the range of their flashlights.
When the guy finally
showed his face, he looked like a hypothalmus-gland-fantasy-mind-meld (sexy
points: 3) of a younger, goatee-ed Ethan Hawke, if Ethan Hawke had
Progeria disease
(sexy points: 100), and also
maybe a little Johnny Depp from "The Ninth Gate" except with less faggyness
and an actual lower jaw (sexy points: 100)
and
Brad Pitt in "Fight Club" with the imaginary hole blown through his skull
at the end, minus the Brad Pitt and minus the skull, just the hole (sexy
points: 100) and Soundgarden-era Chris Cornell, as is (sexy
points: 100) and every other "boing!"-inducing guy you've happen
to seen on the street that is "boing!"-inducing only to you (sexy
points: 100), but who also looks like major trouble (sexy
points: 1,000,000,000) and who might just disappear the next morning
from your apartment with your DVD player and ATM card (sexy
points: 1,000).
He had a goatee (sexy
points: 40 [note: goatees can backfire on the wrong-shaped cranium!])
and a little pussy-tickler thing under his lower lip (means
he likes girls mostly, hmmm... that's sexy points: 500,000,000,000?).
He was in his 20's and was very slim (sexy points:
100) and muscularly toned (sexy points: 98).
Every time the cops asked him a question he answered with a kind of slow,
high-pitched, Texas drawl (sexy points: 12,000,000)
and
he did that bizarre thing that suspects on the show always seem to do:
insist on smoking a freshly-lit cigarette while being interrogated
(sexy
points: 0), to prove some kind of point
(sexy
points: 0) I guess.
Anyway, he was talking
with his teeth kind of clenched (sexy points: 9)...
which was kind of weird (sexy points: 109)...
and he had this weird (sexy points: 109) smirk
(sexy
points: 70) and kind of seemed to be stringing along the most minimal
amount of false information (sexy points: 75)
necessary, which kept changing with each question from the cops
(sexy points: 25)... and the whole time had this look on his face
like he was playing some kind of joke on the police (sexy
points: 1,000,000). He didn't say "sir" to the police once the entire
time (sexy points: 100).
And... in the "reveal"
of the episode, of course it turns out that the whole reason he was speaking
with clenched teeth was because he was trying to hide (sexy
points: 100) a tiny bright blue bag of cocaine (sexy
points: 0) at the back of his mouth (sexy
points: 25), which the cops finally realized and soon jumped on
him and held him in this kind of semi-heimlich maneuver (sexy
points: 50) until he spit it out (sexy points:
2).
Much like an unexpected
mudslide can ruin the mood after a raucous bout of anal sex, it indeed
was something that could have been avoided altogether with a little forethought
and preparation (best analogy ever! [sexy points
for me: 1,250]). Thinking a little more ahead about where to hide
or dispose of the drugs you just bought while in your car in case you get
pulled over by the cops (sexy points: 75)
is something you want to spend a little time on, probably.
He revealed his past
(sexy
points: -100) after he was handcuffed in the back of the
cop car (sexy points: 110), and told the story
to the police, with nary an iota (sexy points: 100)
of sorry-ness (sexy points: 0) or pity-pleading
(sexy
points: 2). He'd been doing coke since he was fifteen (sexy
points:
-1,000,000) and was in prison once already (sexy
points: 1,000,000) for three years for possession (sexy
points: 0). All the while he spun his suspicious tale (sexy
points: 100), he spoke it in that sexy-as-Satan high-pitched Texas
drawl
(sexy points: 11,000,000).
So anyway, after seeing
the episode I've decided that maybe he's kind of bright (sexy
points: 100) but also not quite that bright (sexy
points: 100).
Of course they never
revealed the guy's name so I can't stalk him (sexy
points: 100). Somebody should get this guy and agent or something
an put him in movies, or maybe commercials about how to get your sex drive
going again. Oh wait, no... that's right he's back in prison probably (sexy
points: 110). Oh well... I'm sure they have talent shows in prison
where he can utilize his talents (sexy points: 1,000,000)...
and maybe some late-night, not-so-official talent shows, after lights-out,
where he might happily utilize some of his abilities
(sexy points: infinity).
This whole part of
this "COPS" episode was a masterpiece of fantasy material and that, in
my humble opinion (sexy points: 0), is my
obnoxious opinion (sexy points: 1,000).
How come no brainy
writers (sexy points: 0) and theorists
(sexy points: 0) ever take male sexuality (sexy
points: 1,000,000,000) seriously? It's always "...the mystery
of female sexual allure..." (sexy points: 0,000)
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!
(sexy
points: zzz...)
Maybe they never write
(sexy
points: -10,000) about this because most of those writers
(sexy
points: 0) are fags (sexy points: 0 x infinity)
and it's all so much a part of their reality (sexy
points: yawn-ers!) already and they have no need to explore (sexy
points: 0,000,000,000) it.
Anyway, I think (sexy
points: 1,000,000,000,000,000) this episode is a prime (sexy
points: prime), throbbing (sexy points: yuk!)
example
of sexy (sexy points: duh!) men (sexy
points: huh?) and why they are so alluring (sexy
points: too big a word!) to both sexes (sexy
points: bo-ring!)... for a billion (sexy points:
1,000,000,000!) different reasons that I am too lazy (sexy
points: can't decide) to explore (see? [sexy
points: 100 for me, for bring that full circle!]) This entire 7-minute
(sexy
points: 8) exchange (sexy points: oooohhhh!)
between
(sexy
points: oh yea!) this
(sexy points: right
on!) guy
(sexy points: throb!) and
these two cops (sexy points: cliché! yawn!)
is the whole (sexy points: gasp!) reason (sexy
points: slower!) men (sexy points: oh god!)
are (sexy points: aaahhhh!) sexy (sexy
points: squirt!). Period (sexy points:
gross!).
I learned (sexy
points: 1+2=5) the hard way (sexy points:
no!) that there aren't clips or tapes for sale of "COPS" episodes
because I would so love (sexy points: nothing to
do with it) to have a copy of this. Did anyone tape this episode?
If so I will so not hate you (sexy points: zillions)
for a copy! DID ANYBODY TAPE IT!?!?! (sexy points:
taping things is sexy!)
I'd like a copy of
the episode because I'd like to walk (sexy points:
100) over to the lesbian bar (sexy points:
confused) that just opened up around the corner from me (no joke!
in my crime-ridden [sexy points: 100], white
girl-shooting [sexy points: 0] neighborhood!)
some crowded night... and just stroll in with a battery-powered VCR and
TV screen strapped on the top of my head (sexy points:
15,000,000), just playing the videotape of this episode over and
over for them all to see, and just be all "Hey backwards ladies! Just
thought you'd need a reminder of what you're missing!" (sexy
points: pure genius!)
Don't try to read any
projection (sexy points: -000) of my own insecurities
(sexy
points: 1,000,000) or sexual frustration
(sexy
points: 1,000,000,000,000!) or mental issues (sexy
points: deny!) into what I have written above
(sexy points: ?).
NOTE:
I tried to actually calculate all the sexy points in the above write up
to come up with an actual figure (that will be awarded to the Texan guy
who got arrested with the bag of coke in his mouth on 'COPS' as a judgment
of his sexiness) but it was way too confusing to calculate. Does anyone
with brains
(sexy points: 1,000,000!) want
to take a crack
(sexy points: oooooh!) at
it?
NOTE (2/12/05):
Reader Josh writes in to tell me that according to my math (and 'minus
all the joke parts'), this kid who got arrested on "COPS" gets a sexy points
score of 2,505,041,E12 x infinity, with a self congratulatory sexy
points score of 1,350 awarded to myself, and a sexy points score of 1,000,000
awarded to Josh for doing the calculating. When I asked Josh what the "E"
in the final figure meant, he told me that he didn't know, and that it
just appeared that way on his calculator. The "E" must mean something!
That
score actually seems pretty low! Without spell check and calculators, we're
dumber than rhesus monkeys! Without my readers, it's like I have earplugs
and blindfolds on, inside an isolation tank located in a cave on Mars somewhere!
Help!
Fantastic Voyage
3. Drudge Bush
image, January 27th, 2005 - PHOTO OF THE YEAR
My friends may have
moved on years ago, but I still look at DrudgeReport.com every day. I've
invested ennergy and opinion in it and now I have to pay my dues.
It's as if the site
is an expensive painting I drunkenly blew a million dollars on at an auction...
and now it hangs front and center in my living room as I'm forced
to gaze at it every day so I don't feel like I wasted my dough. I actually
feel that way about a lot of things in my life.
Anywho... whether it's
soft gay porn (almost always) or Republican servitude (always), Matt Drudge
still has the best/simplest-designed, ironic news source on the web. There's
really still nothing exactly like it out there. It's a perfect home-load-in
page because it gives you the short version facts instantly (and embellished-ly!)
and hysterically pairs headlines about freak Siamese twins joined at the
ass, and Bill and Hillary Clinton (with the photos and captions often indistinguishable
from one another). Looking at his site (usually for about 2.5 seconds)
every morning is just like old times for me.
So anyway, the whole
reason I wrote all that was just to link to leading story on Drudge from
January 27th, 2005 - a story about Bush calling for computerized medical
records. It wasn't the story at all really, it was the accompanying photo
(which wasn't up for very long)... which is hands down photo of
the year. I can't find the photo credit anywhere (Drudge often just uses
collected photos from the wires for headlines), but if anyone knows who
shot it, congratulate them!
For an archived capture
of the whole page, click here.
For a bigger shot of the photo itself, click here.
Vote for thy neighbor as
thyself...
4. Christopher
X. Brodeur... my neighbor... my baffled but earnest vote...
Christopher X. Brodeur
is an outsider candidate running
for mayor of NYC. He's inevitably one of those oddball characters that
is obviously very smart, and is one of those pain-in-the-ass types who's
not afraid to open his mouth towards the slightest whiff of what he believes
to be bullshit.
Apparently this is
not the first time he's run for political office.
He lives in the building
next to mine, and I see him coming and going all the time. He also sometimes
throws these totally kick-ass music performance parties on the roof of
his building (sound familiar?)
Unfortunately for his
political aspirations, he's the type of candidate hopeful that usually
ends up on "...and in the lighter side of the news folks," on local
TV, or covered very heavily in hidden, downtown bohemian rags. Too bad...
because I think his "100
Innovations for NYC" list is a fun but also often highly intriguing
read for anyone that has lived in the city for at least a couple of years.
Only about half of
the ideas even make real sense when you really think about them,
but out of those, there are a handful that are some seriously beautiful
ideas that could actually work if the city was forced to get behind them...
and would mean a wonderfully more blissful metropolitan life for all. And
(almost) anything's better than the ghost-in-the-shell mayor we have now,
or that shifty-eyed camera hog we had before him.
I know you won't win
Mr. Brodeur... but I'd love to see you voted up to the point in the race
where the superstar candidates have to actually acknowledge you. Although
they may already have, as two weeks ago, I was awoken from my afternoon
autistic rocking by some very loud sounds, and ran to my window to see
some out-of-uniform NYPD guys in several unmarked vans hauling a very perturbed
and vocal Brodeur out of his building. It was quite a spectacle, very tinfoil
hat... and as I saw a loudly arguing Brodeur being led away by Area 51-esque
guys in dark suits, I was like "I'm so voting for this guy..."
Anyway, somebody
very rapidly reported the incident to Gawker.com
and it made the small news-rounds that day. Yes, I saw what he's supposedly
being charged for... he even more has my vote now!
No really, I'm voting
for this guy for mayor, and I'm not just saying that out of drunkenness
or spite (my usual motives).
Christopher
X. Brodeur official campaign site.
David Woodard with the Schweikhart
brothers, descendants of pilgrims who founded Nueva Germania with
Elisabeth Förster-Nietzsche
and hubby Bernhard in 1886 (photo 2004 Christoph Schubert, MD)
NOTE: this photo has nothing
to do with David Woodard's Joe DiMaggio requiem
5. David Woodard's
requiem to Joe DiMaggio (and other things Woodard has done)
So I recently I got
to meet and talk over the phone several times with David
Woodard for an article I wrote for the NYTimes about Dreamachines.
Based in California, Woodard is a prolific composer/conductor, artist/conceptualizer
who also makes custom Dreamachines
and Wishing Machines,
among other things. He wrote and performed a "prequiem" for Timothy
McVeigh (by invitation)
at the site of McVeigh's execution. He began and is involved heavily with
a community rehabilitation project in Nueva
Germania, Paraguay. He was good friends with William Burroughs and
worked with him during the writer's later years. The list goes on and on...
oh yea, also... one of his favorite films is the 1953 sci-fi film "The
Twonky."
David is very soft-spoken,
and very articulate. Although all of his quotes ended up not making the
final edit of my article, it was certainly a weird joy getting to know
him, and I hope to meet him one day in person.
One of the greatest
things, in my opinion, that he ever did was another requiem (originally
intended as a 'prequiem') written and performed for Joe DiMaggio, at Blair
Field baseball stadium in Long Beach, CA, sometime in the summer of 2000
(Joe DiMaggio died in 1999). It had been an ongoing work in progress for
a few years and, according to a 2000 OCWeekly article, Woodard apparently
tried to get permission to conduct it in DiMaggio's hospital room - before
DiMaggio was dead. When you read about the performance itself you'll understand
more clearly how jaw-dropping this would have been.
Performed in front
of a full stadium of real baseball fans, the performance, which took place
on the field during a break in a game, consisted of Woodard being announced
by the MC, then playing discordant "dissonance" (which weaved in and out
of 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game') on a wooden pump organ (which eventually
smoked and caught on fire), a giant number "56" being held up by players,
and people dressed as wizards with fake beads scurrying around the isles.
Needless to say the players in the dugout and audience members in the stands
were more than a little divided in their opinions of the memorial to DiMaggio.
You can read about the whole experience here
in the OCWeekly article, by a writer who kind of doesn't know what to make
of Woodard (he has the reputation in some circles as a kind of P.T. Barnum-type).
The part about the Dimaggio memorial is near the end.
You can check out most
things Woodard has done or does at his site.
Recommended.
Slaying willing Siths amongst
a sea of fannypack-ed libidos...
6. Ray Park -
obsessive sci-fi nerd crush drooling stalk-y alert
Any guy who is queen
bee of a gaggle of giggling sci-fi nerds in full fantasy costumes, who
drool, monitor and gasp in awe at his every martial arts move... is the
guy for me! Or maybe I'm just identifying with him, or someone in his scenario
that I'm imagining in my own head.
Not so long ago, coming
to a galaxy near to you... is Ray
Park, who could be some kind of movie hunk in the near future. His
movie credits to date are mostly as stunt doubles and stand-ins (and some
martial arts choreography). He was the body and face (but not the voice)
of the much revered Darth Maul character from the latest Star Wars movies,
and was also the headless horseman in Tim Burton's "Sleepy Hollow" (again,
no voice). He actually did act (with sound!) as the Toad character from
"X-Men," and he has his first starring role in the upcoming Marvel superhero
movie adaptation "Ironfist," as the lead.
Again, in most of those
roles... he was the stand-in, stunt guy, whatever. Nevertheless he has
made an entire career out of it, as he goes to sci-fi conventions all over
the world and is fawned and slathered over. And who wouldn't? I mean...
look at him! I'd attach a pair of bouncy rubber horns to my eyebrows, paint
my skin blue, wear a silver cape and wait in line just to gaze at him -
through shiny contacts with circuit board patterns imbedded in them, of
course... I don't care what the convention security guard says!
But it looks like half
the stalking has already been done by a lovely girl named Jen, and her
site dedicated to Ray at: "Jen's
Home for Ray Park v2.0" Those who never remove movie merchandise from
it's original packaging thank you Jen.
7. The Mystery
Worshiper
Better put on your
"happy face!"
I've never seen anything
like this (even during my bazillion year-long Texas Southern Baptist shoved-down-my-throat
upbringing). It's like Jerry Falwell crossed with Mr. Blackwell. This guy
(based in Great Britain) and his minions go to churches all over the world
and review the services, very bluntly and matter-of-factly. They then mince
no words as they post what they thought of the whole thing on their website,
which is a database of reviewed church services stemming from any and all
Christian denominations.
They of course never
tell the church they are coming, and leave nothing but a cryptic calling
card in the collection plate as their marker.
They are not making
fun of Christianity, are Christian themselves, are sincere about church
services... but also have an obviously deep, self-deprecating sense of
humor about their faith and themselves. Um, I think my brain just exploded?
Here is a link to "The
Mystery Worshiper" index of reviews. The site is also connected to
the much larger "Ship of Fools"
site, which I don't know quite what to think of yet.
Inspired minds want to know...
8. Gus Mattox
It was after I saw
a write up in the "Shelter"
section of the Village Voice that I found the highly complex website of
multi-talented (and lately porn star) guy Gus
Mattox. Gus has lived in NYC for a really long time, and has a kind
of history on Broadway, and in music. But recently he moved up to the mountains
of Catskill, NY, and bought and renovated this totally amazing cabin in
the middle of the woods. I mean... he really, really renovated it...
like, whoa!
Anyway, besides relegating
himself to eternal inner peace... he now flies back and forth between here
and LA to be involved heavily in the gay porn business, in which he seems
to know everybody and also has starred in a bunch of titles with really
big names. He also writes stuff for magazines and has read his monologues
on radio, and he's a really great cook as you will see when you start reading
his calendar entries, which have really faggy (let's face it) but amazing
recipes. He's like John Holmes crossed with Martha Stewart crossed with
the Unabomber.
So anyway, if you think
you have it together, go look at Gus' site
and get really depressed... haha! No, I mean... inspired! I have
spent hours going over this guy's site and find it to be highly unique.
Recommended.
"I did it all for you Damien!
All for yyyoooouuuuu!!"
9. You know the
way child psychologists let children act out their fears and traumas through
puppets?
I have kind of turned
my cam back on in the last few weeks, you may have noticed. Just like mold
times!
Anyway, I have this
little Keane doll that has been handed down to me from old friends of Jim's...
and I had kind of been playing around with it in the last few weeks on
cam... kind of moving it around my apartment over the course of a few hours
while the cam updated every minute... like a little cartoon that
only someone watching my cam on major quaaludes (is there any other way?)
would be slowed-down mentally enough to be able to see.
So anyway, this guy
named Joel in France who has this website where he mostly writes and goofs
on stuff on my webpage (it's a little obsessive... but he's a very friendly,
cool guy... and aren't we all a little mad?) has taken those images,
edited out all the little bits that aren't relevant to the doll, and made
little animated movies out of them. They're great!
This was the first
one (click below the image to watch the QuickTime clip), this was the second
one (my favorite), and this was the third
one. There will probably be more in the future.
Joel also made this
move from one morning when my cam was pointing out the window.
"Rag-weed pollen!"
10. Missing Microbiologists
I was going to write
about this whole string of missing microbiologists that I stole from Metafilter.com,
but I'm too lazy to write about it so I'll just link it here
(read it! it's interesting!) and put up a picture of the fantastic Kate
Reid being interrogated in "The Andromeda Strain."
...it's reportedly deadly!
11. Curious Cat
Curious? Click here
for Curious Cat.
NYC Hollyweird
12. Jim and Mark
go out in public again - BLODFACE NAMS edition!
Jim was here this weekend
and we kind of had a whirlwind social weekend. On Friday night we went
to see Jim's friend Michele
O'Marah's work at White Columns
gallery that's part of a group show. She has concocted, as has been discussed
on these cathode ray pages before, an entire video recreation of the film
"Valley Girl," using all her friends in the cast, homemade costume re-creations,
paper and cardboard props and various constructed and found locations as
sets. It's not "shot for shot" but it's close... and all the dialogue and
acting is scene-for-scene exact. We watched some of it at the opening (playing
by itself in a white room), it's definitely really great (any movie with
fake cardboard sushi is for me), and since I inexplicably have never actually
seen the real 1983 film, it was like I was watching it for the first time,
oddly. So I highly recommend going and checking it out.
So anyway, I was going
to write a big long tale of Jim and I's weekend to share some of our lives
for you... but I'm too tired of writing all this stuff! Look at all the
text on this page! My fingers are vienna sausages! So I will just cut to
the chase and tell you all the big boldface names we rubbed shoulders with
on Friday night, and "celebrity sightings" we had, since I know that's
all you really care about (remember the end of 'Monty Python's Meaning
of Life?' just replace 'pictures of grotesque penises' with 'celebrity
sightings').
Here they are:
Kim
Gordun, Richerd Kurn, Eythen Hawkes, Reeta Ackerman,
Miceal
Pit, Jeeneene Gorillaglow, Vinsent Gallow, a pritty
gurl,
Bigfut.
Awesom!
13. The coconut
milk/noodle soups at Malaysia Village, Chinatown, NYC
Jim and I (Jim actually
discovered it) found a new food obsession: Malaysia Village (212-962-5555)
at 1
Doyers Street in Chinatown (you know that weird, winding street with
the hidden post office?) Their curry noodle soups are AMAZING and very
cheap. The place is nice, compact (but not too compact) and no-frills.
The service is super-smiling and very efficient and the clientele (as well
as the staff, duh!) is almost all Malaysian.
Jim and I went here
twice in the two and a half days he was here. One of the days the soup
was practically our breakfast. I say start with #18 on the menu: Kari Ayam
Mee ($4.00), and then work your way through all the soups from there. Kari
Ayam Mee is the blueprint for all the giant bowl noodle soups, and is a
huge upside-down helmet sized bowl (the waitress has to carry it slowly
across the restaurant with both hands) of GIANT fat noodles, chicken parts
(still on the bone) weirdly spiced potatoes and other stuff, all piled
very high, with a sea of swirling coconut milk and curry spices like a
mote around a castle. Once you start eating it you literally won't be able
to stop, and then you'll want more. Jim got this one soup that had this
weird stuff in it that was long green peppers stuffed with fish, really
good. All the soups are almost too much to eat... I mean you get a lot
of fucking food for four bucks (the soups range from $4-6)! The mixture
of the coconut milk (white) and curry spices (undulating bubbles of deep
orange) in all the soups does this wild thing in the bowl, as Jim pointed
out, where it looks like a projected psychedelic liquid backdrop at a Deep
Purple concert. So while you're slurping it down you can be all "Smo-ooo-ke
on the waaa-aaa-ter..." Totally, totally delicious.
NOTE: they are closed
on Wednesdays for some reason.
Highly recommended.
Copyright 2005 Mark Allen
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