AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!!
left: Louis Wain‘s artwork, 1910,
middle: Egyptian Cat Bastet, 600 B.C.,
right: Disney’s The Cat From Outer Space, 1978

WARNING: To all those who do not particularly care for cats, you now have a scientific theory to back up your creeping suspicions that felines are indeed evil, and need to be stopped at all costs. Read on to learn and arm yourself – before the secret army of tiny mammals that is the cat population enslaves mankind!!! Scientist Kevin Lafferty has just published a fascinating research paper on a possible parasite that exists in felines which infects humans and changes them into cooing, lovey-dovey, insecure zombie drool-heads who’s day-to-day persona is much more conducive to cats! The ancient Egyptians and Vikings who worshiped and domesticated cats were wrong! But they were powerless. Oh, those brave heroes in the middle ages who were trying to ward off the Black Plague (and the Salem witch-hunters) by massive cat population elimination – well, they were correct after all! Cats are witches! Elitist space-alien snobs! They are bear-walking, beldam charmers! Pitter-patter seductive enchantress hags! Diamond-faced hellcat magician minxes! Meow-y sirens of the final solution! Wrathful, whore-sorcerer warlocks! Necromancers! A cat’s almond eyes? Those are hypo wheel ray guns! Their paws? Pure poison! Their whiskers? A fan of syringes ready to inject your spine with enslaving zombie juice! *shudder* Ever seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Remember the pods? Mmmhmm… how about Disney’s The Cat From Outer Space? Remember the siamese cat floating around in that little glowing orb? Yep. Bingo. Watch again and be very afraid dog lovers, very, very afraid. …oh, wait… what’s that? Ssshhh! I hear a kitten playing with a ball of yarn downstairs! Oh. My. God. Don’t move… it knows too much already…. okay now RUN! Gee I hope my brain’s OK! The mind-controling powers of felines as they continue their recruitment plans to enslave all of mankind and turn our brains into fluffy macrame must be halted! This is war!

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